I am sharing this post again. It was the first post I created when I started my blog a few weeks ago. I know that it hasn’t been viewed yet, and it really speaks to the heart of what my intentions are for doing this.
Yesterday was a hard day for me. Mondays often are. We lost Heather on a Monday. Yesterday was 9 months to the day since she has been gone. There are very few hours that don’t go by without her entering my thoughts. I guess I just wanted to put this post out there again, and invite some conversation. I struggle with connecting with people that have experienced the same type of loss. What does that mean? It means, This is HARD to talk about! If you have any words, to share, I would welcome the conversation. If my words mean something to you, then I have served my purpose here today. Thanks for taking the time.
The idea of creating a website, blog, anything really that would involve putting my thoughts, feelings, passions, interests, curiosities, fears even! out there has been an elusive presence that has evaded my grasp for years now.
I started down the path of creating this many years ago now, ( 8 to be exact!) while working on my Masters’ Degree in Education when I went back to university . I had grand and glorious intentions of creating something thought provoking and cerebral and oh so important and meaningful that would set the educational world on fire. Well, THAT didn’t pan out, but I never gave up the page. Well, to be completely honest, I totally forgot about it. It sat and languished in abject anonymity day after day; waiting for me to return, and breathe life into it’s pages once again. Phhhhffftt. Let’s be honest. We both know that’s B.S. In fact, until last night, yes, I had forgotten that it even existed. It was by sheer chance that I even remembered that I had created it. It was by sheer chance that I wondered for a brief moment if I would still be able to find it and even better, use it. It was in fact, through experiencing profound loss; that this idea was slowly borne inside my head, and growing within my heart for the last 7 1/2 months that I realized, while washing the dishes yesterday morning before I left the house for work, what I truly want this to be, and what I need to do.
WOW. That was a long winded, rather convoluted explanation of the inception of this newest iteration of my personal blog and webpage… and you STILL don’t really have any idea where it came from, or why you are here, do you?
The inspiration for wanting to create a website that will be about supporting others, and promoting wellness in all forms and emotional support for all who need it comes from PAIN and LOSS. The kind of pain and loss and emotional vacuum that is left behind when your world is dumped on it’s ear.
My motivation today is from the invisible tattoo I now bear as a survivor of sibling suicide. 7 1/2 months ago, on June 6th, 2016, I lost my beautiful, sensitive, tough, strong willed, funny, generous, vulnerable, delicate,determined perfectly imperfect little sister Heather. She was 40 years old. I still want to say she “IS,” because in my heart she hasn’t ceased to exist for a moment. I can close my eyes, and still see her sitting on my sofa, doing a crossword puzzle, or playing on her phone. It’s as though she just got up and left the room for a glass of water. I think I can smell her when I enter a room. I still pick up my phone to send her a note or a silly picture that I found on Pinterest, or ask her if she’s seen the newest ‘Simon’s Cat’ video. She loved(s) those!
While washing the dishes yesterday morning, the same thought crept into my consciousness that has been whispering in my ear for months now. “What can you create to keep her with you? How can you use the lessons you have learned from your sorrow to share light and love with others? What will you do to prove that she mattered?”
Well friends, I can tell you. I have long desired to create a blog that would give me a place to share my passion for life, love, physical, spiritual and emotional well being; and support others as we work together on our journey to achieve this. Sometimes, that will mean times are hard, and we have to be vulnerable and open ourselves up to others to grow and learn together. Now, I have an even deeper and more personal reason to share this with other people, and I can’t ignore it. But… here’s the silly part; I agonized over how to share it, and what I would call it. 🙂
What I would call it. THAT’S your big hang up Allison. Right.
…that’s when it came to me. “Roots and Wings.”
“There are two things we should give our children; one is roots and the other is wings. Roots to know where home is, and wings to fly away and exercise what’s been taught them ” (Dr. Jonas Salk)
Heather always loved this quote, and the deeper meaning of what this truly represents really resounded with me. Balance. We all have a need for homeostasis, equilibrium. Whether we realize it or not, our bodies internal systems all strive for this balance, as do our spirits, souls, whatever you want to call your psychic or emotional energy. We all crave balance.
If we can all walk together and share our journey, being mindful of ways that we can support each other and enjoy the ride, even when it’s bumpy, then I will feel like I have succeeded.
Always remember your roots and wings friends. We will chat again soon.